Turning 18

I will just share what I am feeling right now. I am so physically and mentally anxious and exhausted. I don’t have someone’s shoulder right now, so, this is my way of keeping myself cool down and away to depression for I am depressed this past few days and I don’t want to feel that thing again. I am turning 18 this month and my parents keep fighting each other for they have different suggestions. Here in the Philippines, I don’t know if in other countries too, when girls celebrate their 18th birthday, you should prepared an event or party. A debut celebration. My mother wanted me to have a celebration and whatever I tell her even if I tell her it is my birthday, she always says that “I am your mother.” Goodthing, my father wants what I really want. He always says that “follow what your heart and mind says.” But he always told me to get a licence and be a woman yet, I know to myself I am a girl and it will took time for me to be. I am grown and raised from my grandparent’s crib because my parents are separated. Broken family, indeed.  I can’t decide to what I want. My mother is kinda you-know-strong-badass that will do everything to make what she want, to happen. What I really want in my 18th is to sleep all day for in this generation, 10hrs sleep is only once in a blue moon. You’re lucky if you got atleast 5 and up hrs of sleep. I want to rest. I want to be comfortable. I want to be stress free. I want to be happy but then again, this is life. They are my parent. And I don’t know what will I do. 

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7 thoughts on “Turning 18

  1. The struggle to clear your mind from instances in the past that subconsciously controls you to this day…..is real. I also have a “strong” mother and sometimes I wished my mother was softer on me and wonder how is have turned out. Maybe I’d have been happier? I hope you get that sleep you deserve. I don’t think your mother should try to over control even how you want to spend your birthday. Stay strong, separation and parents arguing are such stupid things that pain you *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

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