30th of April

T’was only like yesterday when I started to open my eyes in this beautiful world. When I started to learn things. When I started to understand what it is. And appreciate what truly life is. As growing up, it’s never been easy to me. I had face many trials and inevitable words from uncountable judgemental folks that keeps on pulling me down from where am I, from where I stand and from where I am happy. I grow up being used to them, them that who keeps on taking away my smiles and laughters for numerous times yet here I am. I may be used to, but the heart of someone’s used to is, undescribable. It’s beating in rhythm, a bad rhythm.  The rhythm of unfortune and pain. My heart? My heart is slowly beating, it’s tired but it didn’t give up. Again, here I am, I have been knocked out so many times yet manages to stand. I couldn’t believe that I am turning 18 today! Life full of anxiety and depression was been a battle I’ve been dwellin of for how many years and I am indeed lucky for still existing. Thank you everything for building and molding me for who I am today. Horay for todaaay! Happiest 18th birthday to me. I’m legally a woman yet still a legit gal that would keep on kicking ass on way to succes.. Wishing more inspiring words to comes, for me to share it to each and everyone. 

P.S. Life is dope, do things dope!

Saranghae,

Andrea Aliser.

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Moon aching for her sun

I wish that there comes a day that you will say “I lost the moon while counting the stars”

That night, as how heavy the rain pouring is, is my eyes filled with ocean that leaves single scars.

Every beat of the heart, is an exhausted body that still chooses to stay even the mind already know that it wasn’t me anymore. 

It wasn’ t me anymore, It wasn’t me you’re wishing to be with but it is me, the one you don’t care. 

I love you like how it start.

I miss you like how deeply the emotion filled the art. 

I want you like how Tom cat chases Jerry mouse. 

But then again, you aren’t happy. I am no longer your happiness. You’re already looking for the other. 

And then, I felt like I am one of the rose that does not ended up being part of the bouquet. Because, you push me away without the present of nostalgia..

I am carried by bitter-sweet neutrality. Like how you were and gone far..

I wish you to be back with the gist of love and care. But, I know the nuclei we’ve been building of for months will not be the same again. I know it is no longer me, you’re looking for.

And so, I wish you realize that you’ll regret leaving me with those dirty martini over your hand.

But I wish more that you come back and hold me better than I hold my tears.. 

Why love?

Why love? 

I don’t know. 

Why love him? 

I don’t know as well.

Why still love him even if he’s pushing you away?

 I don’t really know.

There’s something in me that keeps choosing him even if he already deleted me in his choices.

There’s something within that keep loving him even if my body already says no. 

There’s something in me that I wish I don’t have. 

There’s something within that I don’t understand..

Why love?

Brandnew start.

All I can hear is foot steps, the tickin of the clock, the unnecessary voices of my parents. I open my eyes and stared the ceiling. I still can hear them. The annoying scratch of the cats in the windowpane. The lovable laughs of the happy kids, playin. My phone that keeps on ringing. The doorbell, and even the newspaper been blag in the door. Indeed, another catastrophe in this miserable life. Good morning everyone!

P.S. catastrophes and such are not always bad, sometimes they leaves a good lesson for you to be educated to be strong. 

12AM thoughts

Tonight,

there’s a monster,

An inevitable monster.

It is here, again. 

And..

You keep on runnin!

before it get in,

For it keeps everything ruin.

but..

When?

When?

When will you stop?

When will you stop running to it…

When?

When will you face it?

12 noon thoughts

There’s this friend of ours or someone we know, who always use this line “incase that you’re not okay, don’t forget to call me, I am always here for you.” But the truth, not all the time the people who told us to be in our side will always be. Not all the time people you expected to be there will be there because the truth, you don’t always have to expect things. You don’t always have to depend on someone to comfort you and whatsoever. Because, not everyone who’s with you in your good days, will be there to your bad days. Not everyone will stick on you permanently. There’s no such thing as forever in this world. (Maybe love?) -but everything changes. Everything is temporary even those so called love ones of ours. You have to learn to stand by your own so you can conquer every milleseconds of your life. So, you can vanish all the wickens shits that been throwin to us. I’m not saying this for you to go away from those toxic and non-toxic peeps out there or to own your problems, to be alone and etc. but, to tell you, to stand in you own, whether you have or doesn’t have someone by your side. Always remember that we are all who we are. We can do great things! 

3rd day

So it’s already 3days when you decided to break up with me but didn’t happen for I am the kind of person who don’t wanna lose what’s hers. The days were only feel froze to the breeze of your coldness. You keep on ignoring me yet I never get tired chasing you. I’m still willing to be here for you even if those millions reasons to stay are slowly vanish one by one. I still wanna make this work despite of it’s fatal condition. I always wanna tell you “don’t leave me” but I know sooner or later, you gonna leave me without any words. You know what? That night after I told you to open your heart, I become more afraid. Those breezes suddenly becames giggles. You became sweet eventually. I am afraid that it’s just for the night, that when you wake up, I will never hear your voice calling me “baby” again…