Now that you’re gone

Now that you’re gone,

I don’t know where to run.

I don’t know what’s the new plan

neither to build a new one..

It’s no longer me,

when you walk away.

Those eyes that I’d lay

Agressively filled with ocean 

Just like how swiftly our memories flew…

Flew to the wind and faded away..

And as the last “iloveyou” being rejected,

I know that nothing will be back again.

Now that you’re gone….

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The truth: everyone can be criminals

Nowadays, we find criminals or people that may hurt us as gross looking type of peeps in the society. We often called them as “gangrenous dick” in the community. But, lately as what I’ve experienced and what I’ve read, I realized many things. 

First, in my experience. It’s 8:05pm that time I am just walkin outside the school. I am about to go home that time when there’s a man stopped me that really shookt me. He literally blocked my way but my surprised heart slightly calm when he politely greet me “Hi.” He’s sorry for giving me fear inside and then asked about a place I am not familiar with for I am not living nearby. Even if I already told him that I don’t know where it is, he followed me while walking and keep on saying sorry for what happened earlier. Then asked me about where’s the hypermarket when it is obvious that where walking towards it. I didn’t say a thing and point it instead. I continued to walk as I am catching my poor scared heart. Feeling every steps of him walking together with me. What scares me more is when he speaks unto different tone and told me he was’nt really asking for directions but to follow me. Good thing we reached the parking area with lots of people. I tried my very best to walk fast as I could in a not obvious way and thanks he disappeared. Maybe if there’s no people surrounds us he might still follow me. The experience is is very scary and unforgettable that everytime I am walking in I’d feel my nerves wrecking.

Second, to what I’ve read. This may be a one-sided story  if you’ll look at but try to analyze what I am pointing out. There’s this issue or “haka-haka” (speculation, assumption, suspicion) in the society that policemen killed a 17 yrs. old drug runner. A drug runner is the one who takes illegal drugs from one to another. They say that it is not true that the 17 yrs. old is a drug runner. They pushed that it is a very kind child so how can he do it? The other side says that there are are evidences they’d gather to prove the alligation. To sum it up, if the issue is really true, where do the police-men get their courage to take away the life of a 17 yrs. old child? Police-men are the one who should protect and serve the citizens they represent. Despite of the case of a 17 yrs old if proven, killing is still in whatever and wherever side you’ll look at should still be condemned. #JusticeForKian

Lastly, to everyone. There’s this girl, she cries over grades. One time, she arrrived home happily to tell her parents that she’s on the top. But, she was ignored. The next day, she’s seen full of blood. Wanna know why? She did everything for her to have their attention. She gave it all but she was left alone. I know that you do feel the same way. You love them so much but in return they’ll hurt you. We always tend to receive the opposite care that we shared.

What I wanted to tell in this post is, people that may hurt us are everywhere. Things change. The 3 paragraphs only says that everywhere can be a crime scene and everyone can be criminals . Someone we don’t expect them to, can actually do that to you. No matter how you pushed things to work out, not everything will always fall unto your plans. Only yourself is your support. There’s no one you can be with, every minute. So be strong. Not for them, but for you. You are always worth it. You are born to slay every minute. You wasn’t born to be a mediocre. Grow up. Even if we shout for humanity the reality is, it is nowhere to be find. So, if there’s no more humanity in this word, be the change. Everything starts and lasts with you. Begin to vision life as a combat field, be prepared because you don’t know when the bullets of the enemy strikes.

The truth: Blackhead pore strips pilaten mask

You’ve probably noticed a stream of vids&photos/ advertisement bout how effective this product is, just like the photos below

(pctto)

But the truth is, after trying this for the second time around, Putting it all over my face, 

waited it to dry 

and peeled it back not minding how painful it is for believing in “pain is beauty” thinking it will be worth it but 

after peeling the last corner all I see is nothing but my facial hair. 
I waste not just money but the 40mins of my life I’ve spent giving my self a painful wax.  



There’s still blackheads all over my nose. 

Change

I stepped towards the window, feeling the sun kisses my cheeks and my tears slowly flowing to.I remember how happy our relationship was, before, and suddenly, after waking up several mornings, everything started to change.. From “iloveyou and you are all I needed” to “iloveyou but you aren’t one of my priorities anymore.” I noticed all your change of text, chat, mood and so on.. It’s kinda frustrating how everything is starting to fade. All those plans we built is starting to fall. All the iloveyou’s are starting to become iloveyoutoo. And all of you is starting to change..

I’m a bit uncomfortable today. Early morning, I sat in the couch and scroll on facebook. One of the post that catches my eyes is a post in where a girl discussed about depression. One of the lines i felt unhappy is “Mahina ka kung hinayaan mo lamunin ka ng depression mo” (You are weak if you let depression eat u) What’s the point of saying that? I mean all of us are weak. We all ended fucked up in various shits in life. I am just unhappy on how easy she says things about depression. Like, you aren’t depressed, you don’t have the same life and so on. It’s so easy to say love yourself! You are enough while the truth you can’t love yourself because you know to yourself that you aren’t enough and you are striving hard at this moment to be better and not to be enough! Because to be enough isn’t happiness but to fail yourself to go out of the box! It’s so easy for us to say motivating words while the truth it’s really hard to apply. It’s not a heard and apply thingy. It’s really easy for us to says such words because we aren’t in the same shoes. It’s not easy to fight depression, girl. It’s really a matter of life and death. Don’t just say be strong because no matter how strong you are, there will always a day that you’ll wake up and say “I can’t anymore. I don’t know what to do.” Please, to the girl who posted it, the next time you post about depression, be honest to yourself. Don’t just put motivating words to motivate. 

P.S. this is just only my point of view. You can tell me what I don’t know, anytime. You are free to comment your thoughts. 🙂

How?

Waking up each day with a bunch of disappointments and somewhat questions life, -like,why I still exist in this word, is the feeling I am kinda used to. I’m kinda exhausted yet still have the determination to chin up and say ‘I can’ even if the other side of me is dying. Sometimes, I view myself as a strong woman yet the rearview of that, is something I can no longer smile at. I’m anxious, I’m a pessimist and behind the sweet potato outside is a truth that only few knows –I don’t have a positive outlook in life. So right now, I started to think if i’m gonna continue blogging/writing because my only goal here is to share positive vibes or words to everyone, to inspire them, to keep kicking their ass but how can I share positiveness in life if i’m already profounded in the rare view of bitter-sweet. If even me can no longer says ‘be positive,’ if even me is no longer exist in this happy world. If even myself is already eaten by the darkness.. how can I continue? 

30th of April

T’was only like yesterday when I started to open my eyes in this beautiful world. When I started to learn things. When I started to understand what it is. And appreciate what truly life is. As growing up, it’s never been easy to me. I had face many trials and inevitable words from uncountable judgemental folks that keeps on pulling me down from where am I, from where I stand and from where I am happy. I grow up being used to them, them that who keeps on taking away my smiles and laughters for numerous times yet here I am. I may be used to, but the heart of someone’s used to is, undescribable. It’s beating in rhythm, a bad rhythm.  The rhythm of unfortune and pain. My heart? My heart is slowly beating, it’s tired but it didn’t give up. Again, here I am, I have been knocked out so many times yet manages to stand. I couldn’t believe that I am turning 18 today! Life full of anxiety and depression was been a battle I’ve been dwellin of for how many years and I am indeed lucky for still existing. Thank you everything for building and molding me for who I am today. Horay for todaaay! Happiest 18th birthday to me. I’m legally a woman yet still a legit gal that would keep on kicking ass on way to succes.. Wishing more inspiring words to comes, for me to share it to each and everyone. 

P.S. Life is dope, do things dope!

Saranghae,

Andrea Aliser.

Moon aching for her sun

I wish that there comes a day that you will say “I lost the moon while counting the stars”

That night, as how heavy the rain pouring is, is my eyes filled with ocean that leaves single scars.

Every beat of the heart, is an exhausted body that still chooses to stay even the mind already know that it wasn’t me anymore. 

It wasn’ t me anymore, It wasn’t me you’re wishing to be with but it is me, the one you don’t care. 

I love you like how it start.

I miss you like how deeply the emotion filled the art. 

I want you like how Tom cat chases Jerry mouse. 

But then again, you aren’t happy. I am no longer your happiness. You’re already looking for the other. 

And then, I felt like I am one of the rose that does not ended up being part of the bouquet. Because, you push me away without the present of nostalgia..

I am carried by bitter-sweet neutrality. Like how you were and gone far..

I wish you to be back with the gist of love and care. But, I know the nuclei we’ve been building of for months will not be the same again. I know it is no longer me, you’re looking for.

And so, I wish you realize that you’ll regret leaving me with those dirty martini over your hand.

But I wish more that you come back and hold me better than I hold my tears.. 

Why love?

Why love? 

I don’t know. 

Why love him? 

I don’t know as well.

Why still love him even if he’s pushing you away?

 I don’t really know.

There’s something in me that keeps choosing him even if he already deleted me in his choices.

There’s something within that keep loving him even if my body already says no. 

There’s something in me that I wish I don’t have. 

There’s something within that I don’t understand..

Why love?