Beauty in the nature of living

Live, love, repeat.” –That’s what we need.

 Friday morning I stepped out of my room to head straight to our mini garden and take some shot for my instagram account for I am so longing to upload a new picture and then unexpectedly, I saw this gorgeous one. I don’t know what kind of insect is this but it looks like a big bugg so I call it buggchi, pronounced as bagki. It really looks so unique in my eyes due to its queenly color -a combination of silver and gold. At first, I thought I can’t take a good shot of it, for like some insects do fly right away before you focus your camera but luckily,  after 6 or 7 shots buggchi stay and acts like striking a pose -chining up in the camera like it was saying “go, take a picture of me, im ready.” In the end, as looking back to the present, I realize that beauty isn’t really just about defining it, but letting it to define itself. You just have to live and love for it’s the nature of living. 

-This is a throwback post from my first account. This is my very first blog post. (October 30, 2016)

Moon aching for her sun

I wish that there comes a day that you will say “I lost the moon while counting the stars”

That night, as how heavy the rain pouring is, is my eyes filled with ocean that leaves single scars.

Every beat of the heart, is an exhausted body that still chooses to stay even the mind already know that it wasn’t me anymore. 

It wasn’ t me anymore, It wasn’t me you’re wishing to be with but it is me, the one you don’t care. 

I love you like how it start.

I miss you like how deeply the emotion filled the art. 

I want you like how Tom cat chases Jerry mouse. 

But then again, you aren’t happy. I am no longer your happiness. You’re already looking for the other. 

And then, I felt like I am one of the rose that does not ended up being part of the bouquet. Because, you push me away without the present of nostalgia..

I am carried by bitter-sweet neutrality. Like how you were and gone far..

I wish you to be back with the gist of love and care. But, I know the nuclei we’ve been building of for months will not be the same again. I know it is no longer me, you’re looking for.

And so, I wish you realize that you’ll regret leaving me with those dirty martini over your hand.

But I wish more that you come back and hold me better than I hold my tears.. 

I tried the so-famous pilaten mask to get rid of my black heads and made a review. I’ll post it maybe tomorrow with short videos. I’m planning to make vlogs soon. Your thoughts? 🙂

Why love?

Why love? 

I don’t know. 

Why love him? 

I don’t know as well.

Why still love him even if he’s pushing you away?

 I don’t really know.

There’s something in me that keeps choosing him even if he already deleted me in his choices.

There’s something within that keep loving him even if my body already says no. 

There’s something in me that I wish I don’t have. 

There’s something within that I don’t understand..

Why love?

Brandnew start.

All I can hear is foot steps, the tickin of the clock, the unnecessary voices of my parents. I open my eyes and stared the ceiling. I still can hear them. The annoying scratch of the cats in the windowpane. The lovable laughs of the happy kids, playin. My phone that keeps on ringing. The doorbell, and even the newspaper been blag in the door. Indeed, another catastrophe in this miserable life. Good morning everyone!

P.S. catastrophes and such are not always bad, sometimes they leaves a good lesson for you to be educated to be strong. 

12AM thoughts

Tonight,

there’s a monster,

An inevitable monster.

It is here, again. 

And..

You keep on runnin!

before it get in,

For it keeps everything ruin.

but..

When?

When?

When will you stop?

When will you stop running to it…

When?

When will you face it?

12 noon thoughts

There’s this friend of ours or someone we know, who always use this line “incase that you’re not okay, don’t forget to call me, I am always here for you.” But the truth, not all the time the people who told us to be in our side will always be. Not all the time people you expected to be there will be there because the truth, you don’t always have to expect things. You don’t always have to depend on someone to comfort you and whatsoever. Because, not everyone who’s with you in your good days, will be there to your bad days. Not everyone will stick on you permanently. There’s no such thing as forever in this world. (Maybe love?) -but everything changes. Everything is temporary even those so called love ones of ours. You have to learn to stand by your own so you can conquer every milleseconds of your life. So, you can vanish all the wickens shits that been throwin to us. I’m not saying this for you to go away from those toxic and non-toxic peeps out there or to own your problems, to be alone and etc. but, to tell you, to stand in you own, whether you have or doesn’t have someone by your side. Always remember that we are all who we are. We can do great things! 

3rd day

So it’s already 3days when you decided to break up with me but didn’t happen for I am the kind of person who don’t wanna lose what’s hers. The days were only feel froze to the breeze of your coldness. You keep on ignoring me yet I never get tired chasing you. I’m still willing to be here for you even if those millions reasons to stay are slowly vanish one by one. I still wanna make this work despite of it’s fatal condition. I always wanna tell you “don’t leave me” but I know sooner or later, you gonna leave me without any words. You know what? That night after I told you to open your heart, I become more afraid. Those breezes suddenly becames giggles. You became sweet eventually. I am afraid that it’s just for the night, that when you wake up, I will never hear your voice calling me “baby” again…

Summer throwback

So since it’s already summer, here’s a throwback from last year. Hoho I love how tan my skin was, this is the reason why my skin is not pale-white anymore.  Hello to my dearest’s who keep on askin me. I missed this. Thanks by the way to our bamboo-designed rooftop for adding an ons and complements to my tan skin. 

Being in a relationship

It’s really sweet in the start, and, you would kinda feel like, it will last forever. At first, you would define it as being in a relationship is happiness but as days, weeks or months passed by, you will learn what truly love is. In a relationship, fight is inevitable. Even how much both of you keep away of that, you will really feel those ups and down, circumstances, worse or dark days etc. For that’s life. You have to deal with it but, together with your partner. For this is life of being in a relationship. You have to give for you to take and vice versa.